This is the place to share ideas and support on bullying and problems at school.
My son is being picked on by another member of the class. He says he is being called names and he’s come home crying on more than one occasion, which I think is an absolute shame for him.
I have been in to see the teacher, and she has come up with the unhelpful line “boys will be boys” which is easy for her to say, but not as easy for me when he comes home crying, and doesn’t want to go to school some mornings when things have been bad the day before.
Has anybody has any experience of dealing with bullying in the past? I’m sure that the children are only teasing, and don’t mean to be nasty, but they need to understand just how much words can hurt other people, and I don’t think the class teacher is really up to dealing with that type of thing at the moment.
Where is my next port of call, do you think?
My daughter is experiencing the same at the moment. Every time I try and talk to her about it, she gets stroppy and doesn’t want to talk about it.
I tried to talk to teachers, but as I don’t know who is doing what, it was pretty pointless.
How do people get their child to open up?
I’m not sure if my experience is the same, but when my daughter was in Y1 she came home upset one day because the boys kept chasing her and she didn’t like it all. It’s a game everyone in her year played but it’s something she was not keen on. She was not a fast runner, I think the boys saw her as an easy target to chase. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we decided to teach her how to fight them off without having to complain to the school. We told her to tell the boys that if they catch her, she would give them a very sloppy kiss. This worked so well, she thought it was a good idea to chase the boys with the kiss. We ended up getting complaints from the boys asking us to make her stop chasing them, which their parents thought hilarious.
If you’re not getting any help from the teachers, maybe a little creativity could help empower the children. I know it’s easier said than done, but worth trying.
I hope things get better for the children.
Sorry to hear of this difficult time for you and your son. School Guide works alongside the Anti Bullying Alliance and they have a good Tools for Parents section (broken down into all the Key Stages and age groups, helpfully) so try this site as a good port of call.
It’s never good to hear that you feel you have not been heard by a teacher. Perhaps you could try again and say that the problem is ongoing and you would really like some support and advice. Tackling the conversation in a way that sees you directly asking for help rather than raising a problem, might help. Teachers generally have many different class dynamics occurring at any one time and perhaps the teacher doesn’t appreciate that it’s a real issue.
We also have numbers and advice for anyone experiencing serious problems at school on our Beat Bullying resource page:
Wow – tips on getting kids to open up is HARD. I find as a parent that they talk to you when you least expect it. Making time and sitting down and saying ‘let’s have a talk’ can be a real no-no and you get nothing; and then, suddenly, when you least expect it when you are mid-Sainsbury’s shop something comes out. I guess you have to just let them know that you are here to listen – HERE TO HEAR – and that you won’t judge or act. A lot of children seem afraid to open up incase their parents go straight to the school. It’s tempting as a parent to try and solve things but we don’t have all the answers. What we do have is our unconditional love and our ears! Hope that helps : )
On Tuesday, my son came home from his school football club upset because his friend told him he doesn’t have any skill, another called him a cry baby, and they wouldn’t pass the ball to him when he asked them. It upset me to see him upset.
So, we chatted about it, and I said some reassuring words, giving him examples of events when he showed his skills, etc. When we got home, we told his big sister. His big sister, bless her, said that not to worry about being a cry baby as girls love boys who cry. At dinner time, it was a topic of discussion as well. Explaining that he doesn’t need to score a goal to be an important part of the team.
By the next day, this was still bothering him, and I got more details from him. Apparently, he was made captain by the coach, and I had more understanding of what his friend must be feeling. I explained that his friend might be feeling upset and overlooked because he doesn’t do any football outside of school, while his friend practice on a Saturday and compete on a Sunday, but was not made captain. Before we went to school, he said to me, he’s feeling more confident and not upset anymore.
I’ll have to wait and see until next week whether things change for him.
It’s good if they can work out their issues for themselves. We made the mistake of getting too involved with a similar complaint once. It got messy and although the matter resolved itself, it left a bad taste in everyones mouth. Sometimes parents getting involved makes a mountain out of a molehill … and its better left to the child to conquer their own molehill.
Hi there - thank you for sharing your experiences. It can sometimes feel as if you’re the only one going through something, but of course that’s not the case. Thank you
@firoze You’re right about letting children work out issues themselves. A similar situation happened in my older child’s class. The parents got involved and it got nasty. One child ended up moving to a different school. They were both friends with my daughter, and when I organised a party for the whole class, I also wanted to invite the one who left, but my daughter said that her other friend won’t be allowed to come if she’s coming. It was sad that my daughter ended up having to choose one over the other even though she’s not involved at all.